Mr. Jelly Face, pay me my money!

What is it with people and money? The easiest way to test the sincerity of friendship (or relationships in general) is in the crucible of financial transactions. Once money exchanges hands and one party assumes the role of debtor, the dynamics change and the key ingredients (trust and integrity) of friendship suddenly begin to slide down a very slippery slope!

Money has tremendous power and influence. Evidence of this can easily be seen in the many conflicts dotting the face of our planet. Nations go to war over the ownership and control of resources. Husbands and wives fight and divorce because of irreconcilable differences over finances. The imbalance in the distribution of wealth is reflected in the ever widening gulf between the rich and the poor in our societies. Money doesn't solve all problems. In fact, it can potentially create more problems than it actually solves if not managed correctly.

Between the rich and the poor, there is this middle group I call the 'relatively comfortable'. Most average working class people (myself included) belong to this group. Characteristically, the relatively comfortable man has a regular means of income which is just sufficient to pay his rent/mortgage, settle sundry bills, fuel his car, and fund the upkeep of his family back home (and in African terms, this can range from aged parents to a small village community). By the grace of God, he can also afford to look half decent, eat out at nice restaurants infrequently, support charitable causes and put something towards savings and investments. He appreciates life’s simple pleasures and strives to provide the same for his family. He manages to just get by without too much pain. However, he must never forget that the potential for pain is never far off. One wrong investment, one unfortunate incident, one wrong play of cards and his relative financial security is seriously threatened. It is thus very hurtful then when some people decide to take advantage of this trusting 'middle group' man and make off with his hard earned money.

I am upset. I am fed up with people and their repeated insincerity when money is involved. You don't really know the character of a man till he owes you money. In the words of the notorious Family Guy, Peter Griffin, this lack of integrity 'really grinds my gears!’ The process usually begins with sympathy inducing stories of different variations: I need to pay my rent! I need to bail my car from the mechanic! I'm still job hunting and could do with a loan! I need to pay my fees! Of course the parties making the approach all promise to repay at some point. Sadly, I find that the majority do not. In fact, you never hear from them again until you chase. All of a sudden, the innocent creditor becomes the agressor.

I am none too worried about defaulting loans (even though I really need the money). It is people’s attitude which does my head in. Surely there is an honorable way to owe money? There is nothing wrong with constantly communicating with your creditor, explaining your circumstances and renegotiating the original agreement.

I share a very recent example. Mr. Jelly Face rings me up a few weeks before Christmas to tell me that his sick father has just died and he urgently needs a £1,000 loan to travel to his village to participate in the final rites. A thousand pounds!! Do I look like I'm Lakshmi Mittal the Indian billionaire? "Jelly Face must be joking", I chuckle to myself.

Jelly Face and I were classmates at University. He's an easy going chap like me who hasn't done too badly for himself since we graduated. He's just completed a Masters degree in an authentic British university and like many others in his situation, decided to stay back in the country to test the labor market rather than go back home to a very uncertain economy. He's single and has no obvious dependants (apart from probably his parents back home). He's managed to hold down an average job while scanning the horizon in search of something more professional. Jelly Face and I speak from time to time so he's not a complete stranger to me. The previous explanations are necessary because they form part of the necessary risk assessment I usually perform before deciding to lend anyone money.

I would like to describe myself as charitable. In my time I've supported several people outside of my immediate family who (I was convinced) had genuine needs without any visible means to pay back. I know what it is to be in need. I've seen lack in the face and have been too weak to even call its name. I worn the shoes of dependence on others for survival and God in his mercy has used people to help me through life. I am grateful to Him for where I am today and therefore I do not despise people in need.

On the basis of my risk assessment, I conclude that Jelly Face is credit worthy and proceed to lend him some money. From my experience, I have learned that when people ask to borrow money, it is wise to divide the requested sum in half. Then divide the result by half again. The final figure is generally much smaller than what they originally asked for. The rule of thumb is, if the loss of that sum will not cause you too much grief, then it is reasonable to part with it (in the hope that it will be returned).

Jelly Face promises to pay back when he returns in December. Mentally, I tell myself December is an expensive month for most people. Christmas and New Year expenses generally mean January is a month for recovery. He’ll pay back in February I conclude. I never hear from Jelly Face again. I give him the benefit of the doubt and decide to call him in February. His phone number is no longer in use. I ‘poke’ him on Facebook. No response. I am not even worried about my money; rather, I am concerned for his well being.

Not long afterwards, I decide to call another former classmate and mutual friend, Mr. Bean Pole, who also works in the UK. I am in shock when Bean Pole reveals that Jelly Face also approached him for money around the same time. He generously loaned Jelly Face a shocking £2,000! He says he too has not heard from Jelly Face. We trade stories about how unfair some people can be and part ways.

A few days later, Bean Pole calls me to tell me that he has learned that Jelly Face has relocated permanently to Nigeria…with our money! My last action was to send Jelly Face an email. No response either.

Again I ask, “What is it with people and money?”